


Modern Major Death Eater

by DelphiPsmith



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Pirates of Penzance - Sullivan/Gilbert
Genre: Death Eaters, Filk, Gen, Gilbert and Sullivan, Humor, Puns & Word Play, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 13:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelphiPsmith/pseuds/DelphiPsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gilbert and Sullivan go dark side, or, Lucius has a solo</p>
            </blockquote>





	Modern Major Death Eater

I am the very model of a Death-Eater _par excellence_,  
I specialize in purity and decadence and nasty taunts.  
I know the names of Slytherins, and Dark Wizards historical  
From Salazar to Voldemort, in order categorical;  
I'm very well acquainted, too, with curses unforgivable,  
I understand the Dark Arts, both the complex and the trivial,  
About the plans of Voldemort I'm privy to a lot o' news,  
With Karkaroff and Dolohov and Bellatrix and...Severuse?  
I'm very good at _Crucio_ and also at _Imperius_  
(I'd better be or Voldemort will be completely furious!)  
In short, in terms of purity and decadence and nasty taunts,  
I am the very model of a Death-Eater _par excellence_,

I know our mythic history, from Merlin down to Riddle's dreams;  
I lie without compunction, I've a pretty taste for evil schemes,  
I quote in accents elegant the vilest kind of eugenics,  
Since liquidating Muggles is my social engineering fix.  
My silky locks prove beyond doubt my skill in the tonsorial,  
My boots and cape and cane and sneer my mastery sartorial  
My arrogance and pride are vast, not likely to be ever tamed  
(tho' dented by my fealty to Someone Who Will Not Be Named)  
Oh, I can plant a diary that brings young girls to basilisks,  
And have a mad sister-in-law and never ever count the risks:  
In short, in terms of purity and decadence and nasty taunts,  
I am the very model of a Death-Eater _par excellence_!

I'm not completely satisfied with Malfoy domesticity:  
Narcissa's anorexic, Bella plays with electricity,  
I know that Draco's banging Harry on and on and on and on;  
(At least he's not impregnating that sluttish Pansy Parkinson!)  
At Hogwarts I'd expel Mudbloods, and make it what it was before,  
And  hanker for the death of that infernal nuisance Dumbledore.  
When such affairs as prophecies and house elves I'm more wary at,  
And when I know precisely what it is we can beat Harry at,  
In short, when I have rid myself of Remus, Moody, Sirius—  
You'll say a better Death Eater has never said "_Imperius_!"  
So yes, in terms of purity and decadence and nasty taunts,  
I am the very model of a Death-Eater _par excellence_


End file.
